söndag 16 februari 2014

Say anything that can make this all okay. Take it away, take away all of this emptiness i feel,

I haven't had control on food for awhile & it's showing in the scale but tomorrow it's all going to be better because i'm making a food schedule. So i don't over eat or eat something i shouldn't. I will write it down soon then i will write it down here. My plan is just to the weight i've gain... I can't live like this, my stomach is like a balloon. 
I've got most of the schedule planned in my head i just need to write it down.
Tomorrow i'm going to be at dads for the day until mom picks me up as usual.

Maybe i so do some training, it's been awhile, nothing that's too hard or sweaty because it gets too much... I'll look it up soon. 

So no school this week & i have no idea what to do except play Sims. But i think mom & i are going to this store that sells a pretty cheap double bed that i want, so we're probably going to check it out soon.

My scars/cuts itches like hell but it hurts to scratch too hard, god i want to cut right now. Gah.
I hope i won't gain even more weight until next time because if i give up, i will be fat anyway whatever i do there's fat everywhere. It's harder then i thought of getting "clean" or whatever, i just don't know what to do instead. i've read some things a long time ago but i just can't see it helping.

I don't know if mom will wake me up before she leaves & if she would how should i do with breakfast? I know that i'm gonna skip it if i can but what about later, what if i get cravings..?
I could drink but that will just make me feel blown up... Chew gum maybe but it doesn't work so good for me. I think something out when i'll write my food schedule.

I think i'm going to shower soon, i need some distraction, anything because i know there's a few knifes in the kitchen.


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