Mom is out & talking a walk so she's out for almost an hour, all alone.
I made raspberry curd awhile ago, so tasty & healthy. Good to dip apples in.
Oh god i just ate four ice cream cones... Oh lord i'm a fatty, how am i supposed to lose weight when i stuff my face with ice cream. It's good that i haven't eaten so much before that, i think.
& i walked to dad before but that won't solve my fat problem...
I hope mom comes & get me soon.
Oh god i haven't written in a few days... I can't believe i haven't cut in about 10 days or something, i was really close to doing it yesterday & today but i made it... I'm supposed to be happy about it but i'm not. They're still not healed.
Okay just to make things clear there are a few days in between these "..." Sorry for not writing so much i just haven't feeling for it, it's been a crappy fat week..
I came thinking of the day i threw my blades away & why it were so easy & it' because i have another one but i just haven't taken it out yet. I'm afraid i'm going tonight but it really doesn't matter anymore.
I've been eating crap this week, as you can tell by above & that i have been eating a little candy ( chocolate ) Not much but still..
Nothing's alright anymore & it haven't been for a very long time, my self-harm started for about 1 & a half year ago i think, it's been going on & off but it haven't been as bad as it is now. I'm really disappointed in myself because i were planning on losing the weight i've gained & it all has just back planned.I'm angry & also disgusted.
Today mom signed on some papers that means we're buying a house, like an extra house ( summer house ) Yeah whatever & it's ours the 17th of April. I can tell more about some other time... Or maybe not. So now that we're getting another house that means that i will get a double bed at home yaay.
I've always wanted one & now my wish comes true ( cheesy i know ).
I'm freaking out about school, i can't go at that school forever & sooner or later i have to start on a real school & mom doesn't want me to go back to my old one... I'm scared of leaving that school i want to stay, i like it there. What will happen to me? I refuse to visit more schools or something.
I can't leave... I don't want to, i just don't know what to do...
Okay i'm going to bed, i'm dead tired & if i won't fall asleep soon i will hurt myself. Anyway Jesse is acting crazy as usual & she's growing growing. My baby i love her.
I bought a new hair bleacher or whatever you call it because you can see my nasty roots & stuff.
on't know when i will do it but hopefully soon.
Of Mice And Men – Identity Disorder