lördag 11 januari 2014

When you feel you're alone cut off from this cruel world.

When i'm about to go get my checkup ( Weight ) i have the worst mode, it doesn't matter if i lose weight i still feel like failure because my weight isn't low enough, i've had lower.
The only good feeling is that i'm relived.

I have been thinking of my cravings & how to handle them, i really don't want to eat anything          
un-healthy so i guess my next option is make my own healthy dessert... But i don't know what... & i'm scared i will lose control & eat everything... My other option is eating a lot of apples or other fruits.
A big dilemma for me, i will figure this out, maybe i can buy a lot of light sodas but it's not the same thing, it's fluid...

I'm half laying half sitting in bed & i'm freezing, i couldn't find my long sleeved shirt...
& oh my god today i noticed that there were red spots on my white sheets on my bed...
I hope she won't ask, It's not much but you know it's blood...

I decided what i'm going to make for dad, No-bake vegan Twix bars.
I can link the recipe so yeah, no sugar or butter & only one tablespoon coconut flour.

Mom & i took a night walk for about half an hour. It was nice & our older cat followed the whole way.

These lyrics describes how it is for me right now... I'm too weak to fight it anymore.
Song: Linkin Park – The Messenger. Great song & band, I love them.

I wish i could find an sharper blade for my scarred wrists.


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