måndag 23 december 2013

Second guessing

Well i just got a name for my kitten, Jesse i know it's a boy name But i love Jesse Lawson from Sleeping with sirens, and also Jesse from Breaking bad.

It's suits her & it's really cute >.<

We haven't done so much today, took a walk outside smoking our last cigarettes... ugh i know..
And we put on face mask. Mine smelled like apple.
And we took some ugly photos while we're waiting.  So now we feel refreshed yay.

We went to the supermarket to recycle some & i bought some sugar-free gum.

I took one later & all i could think about was "unnecessary calories, you shouldn't have eaten that stupid gum".

I have felt kinda down today too, i feel so fat & i'm having second thoughts kinda often about all this...
I just want to stop trying & stop eating again because that's what i want... I'm not happy now, so i could be unhappy but skinnier again... But i would let some people down & i was at the bottom of a black never ending pit that i could never get out of.

I feel numb i just want to feel something but not something bad, i feel that everyday.
I can't remember  how it feels to be happy like actually happy...

Why did this happened to me? Why me? What have i done wrong... I'm afraid that if i get kids and one of them get Anorexia. I don't know why i'm rambling...



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